Breaking apart.

I feel the unraveling right now big time. The crumbling. The sense of where I am going being massively rerouted. A big shake up to the way I had lived.

In turning my life over to this experiment of listening and following where to serve love, I have really been called over and over to let go of what I think I “know.” To let go of the sense of familiarity. Of rootedness. And let go of who I think I am or can be.

The bigger visions are clear.

Community. Abundance. Family. Nature. Slow living. Contribution. Medicines. Transforming sexuality and love. Landing temples.

But the middle part between the daily activities and the big visions right now doesn’t feel like a clear vision. It feels more like a time of disintegration. Destruction. Recalibration.

I’m taking it slow. Enjoying. Drinking lots of cacao.

Facing all kinds of stories about permission to do things differently. To work less. Play more. Worry less. Not manage others emotions. Accept abundance even when I don’t “need it.” Accept love. Give love freely and deeply the way I desire.

It sounds easy but it is work. To do the instrospection. The reprogramming. The letting go of what I think I need to feel ok. Letting myself break apart. To face the scary parts of myself. The fearful, paranoid, skeptical, limited, broken bits.

If I accept and love what is in me I can do that for you. So you can do it for you. So you can keep on loving.

This is the way. This is the path at this moment.

I heard a beautiful song the other day that really hit home.

“Step by step, breath by breath, a little deeper, a little closer.

Kiss by kiss, song by song, a little deeper, a little closer.

Inside me, inside you, inside God, inside it all.”