Full Life VS Not Enough

Life lately has felt so full. More than ever. There have been some stories I repeating lately, like “I haven’t really gotten caught up/centered since Australia or since the holidays.” Or another seemingly convincing one - “I am just not hosting enough events/creating like I used to!” And of course then there is another one, “Why am I not doing more? Maybe I don’t have enough time without Ana Rose to be able to do more.” HA!

All of these seem so real, but I noticed today that I don’t really believe them. And so I asked myself, what is really going on here? I took stock of what my attention and creative energy has been focused on and I was surprised to realize, that I actually am just really full at this phase of life! It seems like I am doing very little because I am not teaching any online classes or hosting multiple regular monthly events like I was last year and the years prior.

These are the areas of my life I am deeply focused on at this moment:

🌹 I am enjoying being more present than I have ever been. Watching to see what the next thing that this small person may be eating, or what she is pointing at while making the excited noise “Gish!” will keep you present like no body’s business. She wants up, no wait, back down, when I am with her I am following her lead, interpreting her telepathy and her verbal communication takes work! Not to mention nursing, doing elimination communication and having a very active child.

🌹 I have fallen in love with my in-person 1:1 sessions in a whole new way. The depth of transformation that consistently is occurring in these sessions, mixed with the deep intimacy, and feeling the thousands of hours of experience I offer my clients in service is just SO damn fulfilling.

🌹 I am also deeply loving the creative efforts that JuanEs and I are pouring into One Love Academy, our in person shamanic and sacred seggsuality bodywork school that is in early stages of development.

🌹Oh yea, and I am 5 months deep in my year-long sovereign midwife training. Which requires weekly meetings, doing homework, and watching/reading the weekly materials. And recently I hosted a birth circle which was just so fulfilling, and have a handful of conversations alive with pregnant mamas in my sphere.

🌹Not least by any means, in fact quite top of mind, every day I am also attuning to and caring for my partner and our relationship, and also the relationship with my amazing mother who is my neighbor and deeply intertwined in daily life. One year ago, I really only was considering what 2 people need on any given day, and often just 1, since my beloved travels so much. And now there are 4 of us in the sphere of daily life!

🌹Oh yea, and exercise daily, meditation daily, taking care of meals and the house is another big one! I have been going to the gym 2x a week at least since AR was 8 months old and wow that gives me life. So yea, taking stock like this, I gave myself a break. And a good honest opportunity to let go of some stories that were present and limiting me and just plain not supporting me to feel good about myself and what I am up to.

I am thankful to have such a full life, to be learning so much, serving so much, and have so much love around me and so many people to love. May this be a reminder that when you also find yourself in the story of “not doing enough” you can actually take stock of all you’re doing! And if you need to renegotiate your energy with yourself then do! But my bet is you’re doing more than enough!

I looked for a pic to share with this post - and this was the only photo I had of myself recently in the past 3-4 weeks that was just ME, without baby girl or friends, or a workout progress pic. So wild even in that, to realize how my focus has been on so much outside of me lately.

This next while, this next moon phase, or month, or end of winter, I intend to enjoy this fullness of life. To focus internally when I can, and to trust that it is all perfect, exactly as it is.